"Oh Lord, as I prepare to use words - I beseech thee Father that the meditations of my heart and the words of my mouth would be acceptable in Your sight, Oh Lord...my help comes from You, Oh Lord, as you are the lifter up of my head. I seek the mind of Christ, as I have no other frame of reference. Lord you know how completely inept I am apart from you...Oh, Lord, it is only by your strong right hand that I can stand...give me words to speak - hallelujah, Lord"
I have been struggling every weekend as I prepare to write for this blog. I think about what to write all week long - and I jump from one thing to another - fighting writer's block and getting so frustrated that I have almost just quit. However, if you know me there are two things I usually do NOT struggle with: 1.) giving my opinion and 2.) I'm not a quitter. It's not that I'm so wonderful - it's because I have lots of opinions and quitting proves me wrong. And I love being right. Anyway, what the Lord is pressing me to do is write my story. It's actually the story of His mercy and grace in my life. However, I resist that exposure, vulnerability, and transparency because I know what a basket-case I am - and I really don't want y'all to avoid me next time you see me at Carrs...
Besides, where do I start? "Once upon a time...?" Honestly, if I hadn't actually been there, I'm not sure I would believe my own life. And, yet, it is MY life, with all the craziness and dysfunction - the broken dreams, the broken heart, and probably the worst of all, the broken mind. Yep, that last one is a doozy. It's pretty hard to function with a broken mind. Especially if you're just shy of 11 years old when it breaks. That doesn't give you much to work with heading into the tumultuous teens...
Now, before I go any further - I shout out from the rooftops the glory of the Lord!! His active intervention in my life is nothing short of a miracle. He loves me and He knew everything that happened - He kept me from completely destroying myself until I was ready to be rescued. The road from the power of darkness to the Kingdom of Light was pretty ugly and rather treacherous - but dark is as light and night is as day to our great King. My life is really just a personal application of the entire truth of God's Word - He says what He means and He means what He says. I'm here to prove it. We all know (don't we?) that "history" is really "His-Story" and the Word of God is His plan and fulfillment for the redemption of man. I am that man. He did it all - He did it for me. If He hadn't done it - I would be dead today. I have no doubt of that..
"As the hopping locust, the stripping locust and the crawling locust were eating the years of my life away, Jesus was preparing the soil of my heart to restore - to bring forth plenty, to put praise in my mouth for the name of my God..."(Joel 2:25-26).
The Lord used that Scripture many Mondays ago to explain to me what had happened to me; what He was doing about it; and where "we" (He and I) would end up. I love God for that. He is very thorough and always kind. Sometime around 1991, He gave me the entire book of Isaiah 54. It is a road-map of my life - every verse. In future postings, Isaiah 54 will be revisted - I will take out the scrapbook of my journey and share it with you. It is a journey of REAL healing; the permanent kind. Not my work, but His. Not by my strength, but His. Not by my will-power, but His. Not by the cleverness of my mind, but by the power of His.
I did not "choose" to be happy - I always love it when people tell me "happiness" is a choice. (sigh). They are "the same ones that will tell you "happiness" is based on "happenings." Well now THAT'S a real brain twist - seeing as the "happenings" of my life were not so happy! I am not OK - and neither are you...(there was a book by the title, "I'm OK - You're OK" written sometime in the '70's. Modern psycho-babble - it about drove me over the edge).
Anyway, there is no short-cut to the path of true healing. It starts with the same step for everybody. It starts with Truth. Truth is not an ideal according to an individual's perception. Truth is a person - and his name is Jesus. Truth must be received. He extends the invitation, lays out the points of discussion, and clarifies the goal.
"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:18
Come, just as you are - come.
Until next week, may you be held in the palm of His nail-pierced hand.
Bless you,
Seek Him - you'll never be sorry.
Patti
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